


The Quiddity

by jesterlady



Category: Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Gen, Humor, One Shot, Prank Wars, Pranks and Practical Jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-26
Updated: 2013-05-26
Packaged: 2017-12-13 00:36:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/817884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jesterlady/pseuds/jesterlady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cameron does not understand the concept of pranks. John will teach her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Quiddity

**Author's Note:**

> This is not plotty at all, just something I thought would be interesting and fun to explore.  
> Disclaimer: I don't own TSCC. The title is by George Herbert

Cameron is aware. Her surroundings are examined with extreme clarity at every moment. Each night she patrols the grounds and each night it takes her twenty three point four minutes to do so. On a night where something untoward happens, it takes approximately five point four five minutes longer. She is prepared for every contingency and knows what to do if she sees another terminator, if there is an animal that should not be there, if she hears yelling from the house, if a plane should crash, if a fire should start, if she is shot. It all makes complete sense.

Upon finishing her patrol, Cameron enters the house and finds John in the living room. He is currently occupied with using a feather to brush a sleeping Derek Reese’s face. Cameron does not know why John would do that. Upon observing further, she notices that the feather’s soft edges, when brushed against the face, will cause an irritation, at which point Derek automatically raises his hands to get rid of the source of the irritation. His hands are covered with a white substance that, when examined, are discovered to be the contents of the can of whipped cream found in the upper left corner of the refrigerator. Derek’s face becomes covered in the whipped cream. John starts to laugh quietly and takes a picture with his phone.

Cameron follows John into the kitchen where he replaces the can of whipped cream.

“What was the purpose of that action?” she asks.

“It was a prank,” he says. “A practical joke.”

“It is not practical. Derek has no need for whipped cream on his face and judging from his previous behavior, he is 99.4% likely to become angry when he wakes.”

“It’s fun. That’s why I did it.”

“Humans enjoy having uncomfortable things happen to them?”

“Not really. But the fun part is in letting some of the tension dissipate.”

“Is it not cruel to do something without his knowledge?”

“It’s the intention that matters. Some pranks are cruel and that’s not cool. But so long as there’s no physical danger, no harm meant, no harm is done.” He leans against the counter and folds his arms. “It’s funny.”

“I see.” 

She attempts a small laugh. John smiles and shakes his head.

“Not that funny. You’ll see.”

John is correct in his assessment of the situation. When Derek wakes five hours, four minutes, and forty three seconds later, he yells quite loudly, causing Sarah to awaken with a start and grab her gun. Then Derek begins to laugh.

“I’m going to get you,” he says, pointing his finger at John. 

Cameron walks quickly to put herself in front of John.

“I cannot allow that,” she states calmly. “I will have to stop you.”

Derek stares at her incredulously and then laughs again. She cocks her head to the side, not understanding. If he is threatening John, why is he laughing?

“Cameron, he just means he’s going to prank me back. My life will not be harmed in any way,” John assures her.

“Thank you for explaining,” she says and leaves to go upstairs.

Derek and John begin to prank each other on a regular basis. Sarah and Cameron both respond to several situations that seemed to require assistance but are, in fact, the results of a prank. Sarah regards the situation with the view of weary acceptance. She does not really mind it, but it appears that she does not see it as a good use of time. Cameron has no opinion, though she does wish that John would perhaps make a chart, detailing each prank and when it would occur, so that she would know ahead of time.

One day Cameron is outside when John is filling up a water balloon.

“It is too bad I cannot be pranked,” she says.

“Why couldn’t you be?” he asks, stopping his actions.

“I am a machine. I am stronger, faster, and more observant than any human. I don’t sleep. You cannot catch me unaware.”

“I could,” he says smugly.

“I do not see how.”

“Just watch,” he says. “I’m a patient guy.” 

Then he winks at her and goes back to filling up his water balloon.

Cameron designs a subroutine that will watch for any 'prank-like' behavior in John.

Five years, three months, six days, twelve hours, thirty four minutes, and seven seconds later, Cameron is lying in John’s bed. His hands are on her face and she feels the sensation of his lips upon hers. His hands begin to move up her arms, and she momentarily closes her eyes.

“Cameron,” he whispers.

“Yes, John?” she asks, keeping her eyes closed. 

It is an expression of trust.

“Gotcha,” he says tenderly. 

She opens her eyes and a whipped cream pie hits her in the face. Her subroutine activates a second later.

Cameron has been 'pranked.'


End file.
